News

Florida Man Wants To Marry His Laptop in the Most Florida Move Ever

The Telegraph – Mark “Chris” Sevier, a man from Florida, believes he should be allowed to wed his Macbook. Mr Sevier argues that if gays should be allowed to marry, then so should other sexual minorities. Mr Sevier states he has fallen in love with a pornography laden computer.

“Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women,” he told a court in Florida.

This appears to be not a passing holiday romance, but a lifelong commitment.

 

Why the hell not, right? I mean, with Florida’s track record this was bound to happen at some point. The cesspool of idiotic behavior in the USA had to have seen this one coming. Reports have made it clear that this is merely an attempt to challenge the legitimacy of gay marriages in courts, with Sevier claiming that if gays can marry then he should be able to marry his Macbook. Unfortunately, for those of us hoping the lawsuit would get a judge in the back-end of his career who would give it the ole “I’m too old for this shit”, the case was thrown out. For the most part I just shook my head in disappointment and figured this guy watched Spike Jonze’s god awful movie “Her” wayyyy too many times (Note: one time is already too many), but part of me wanted the judge to rule in his favor and force him to marry the Macbook just so it could divorce him and take half his money.

 

I’d imagine Sevier’s love life would’ve looked a little bit like this:

 

-Brian

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